Networking Tips

"A network is an organized collection of your personal contacts and your persona contacts' own network. Networking is finding fast whom you need to get when you need to get them in any given situation and helping others do the same."  -Harvey Mackay, author, "Dig Your Well Before You're Thirsty"

Networking: A network provides a path, a way of getting from point A to point B in the shortest possible time over the least possible distance.

In every moment, "You are either networking or being "networked." For me, the most successful networking opportunities are spontaneous conversations that sprout out of nowhere.  In line the grocery store. Sitting next to someone one an airplane.  An e-mail from someone who saw your post in an on-line forum.

Too often people think that networking is collecting a lot of business cards at the Friday night Chamber of Commerce Wine & Cheese Party. Yes, business cards are handy (they have all sorts of good info like Name, phone #, and e-mail address.) But more important than collecting business cards/contact information is creating new relationships. Real relationships...not relationships based on a hidden agenda.  (Can't you tell when someone strikes up a conversation to sell you something, not because they really care about getting to know you?)

If you want to build your business through networking...keep collecting business cards, but remember that it's more important to build relationships. Practice really getting to know people. Genuinely care about them and what they do. If they are passionate about their work, chances are they are good at it too.

People like doing business with people they like. And people like people who are like them. Leveraged networking is about tapping into the people that people know, and nobody is going to want to share their valuable contacts with you unless they "know you." Trust is the key to meaningful relationships and only time will truly expose people for their true intentions. 

One of the best tag lines I ever saw was for a woman's conference I attended back in the mid 90's.  It was titled, "Uncommon Women on Common Ground."  It was an event put on by Women, Inc. (a former non-profit organization for entrepreneurial women.)  I was sitting in the hotel lobby and started chatting with the lady next to me.  I had no idea who she was.  It didn't matter.  I was excited and my ride was late.  I just started talking. I told her I loved the conference and I was so glad that someone had put together such a great event for new entrepreneurs.  To make a long story short, she was one of the co-founders of Women Inc. She asked me to stay in touch. I sent her a thank you letter when I got home.  She invited me to speak at their next event and I later became their National Spokeswoman.

This taught me that networking takes place any time. Any where. Start today. Be yourself.  Make some friends.  Have some fun. And watch your business grow!

Getting to Home Plate in the Game of Life

When I was growing up, my dad coached my brother's little league baseball team. I spent countless hours on a baseball diamond...packing & unpacking equipment bags, handing out water cups, leading cheers, and sometimes even arguing with umps. 

As I grew older, I started by watching people. I notice how gracefully they handled life's 95 mile per hour curve-balls (or not.)  I observed how they "trained." 

Next, I observed their close relationships with their family & others. 

I also realized that they created their own financial independence (regardless of their income.) 

And lastly, I watched them give back to others. 

It occurred to me that there were "rules," in life, just like in baseball.  

For example, a runner advances from the batter's box to 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd, and then home plate. You don't score a run for making it to first. The most beautiful triple doesn't count if you can't make it Home. 

My father (born in 1935) was raised to hit the ball and run straight to 3rd Base (Work) My mother was trained to always head to 2nd base (Family.) Both gave generously to others in time of volunteer work, but neither lingered on 1st Base (Mind, Body, Spirit.) I always seemed to get stuck at home (Giving Back to Others)...by giving time, money and talent to others before taking care of myself. Whether you are playing in Little League or the Big Leagues, if you don't first tag 1st base, the umpire will throw you out. 

Over the years, I've finally figured out how to traverse the playing field called, "Life." It starts by getting off the bench.

Once I got the hang of my priorities: Mind, Body, Spirit; Family & Close Relationships; Financial Independence; and Giving Back to others, I found myself Home. I found myself Happy. I found myself at Peace.  GETTING TO HOME PLATE IN THE GAME OF LIFE

Top 10 Reasons Small Businesses Fail

According to a study by the U.S. Small Business Association, "only 2/3 of all small business start-ups survive the first two years and less than half make it to four years?

Why is this?

Leaving a company to start my own business was the most exhilarating thing I've ever done. The excitement. The adrenaline.

Until I realized, "oh crap," I just started my own business.  I'm responsible for everything.  Sales, Marketing, Operations and Financial Reporting.  I'm making my own website, calling on customers, and delivery products or services.   When I worked for others, I had people who did all of this for me. Now I am the head of HR, the CFO, and the IT department.

Here's a link to a fabulous article by the NY Times describing the Top 10 Reasons Small Businesses Fail:

1.  The math doesn't work

2.  Owners can't get out of their own way.

3.  Out of control growth.

4.  Poor accounting.

5.  Lack of a cash cushion.

6.  Operational mediocrity.

7.  Operational inefficiencies.

8. Dysfunctional management.

9.  Lack of a succession plan.

10.  A declining market.

If you see your business suffering from any of the above, it's time to take action NOW.

New business owners often think they can't afford help.  Often they can't afford not to get help.

There are virtual assistants to help with administrative tasks and operations (like answering phones and handling invoices); firms to help you create a better sales plan; and fractional general managers to manage working on your business while you work in your business.

Make sure your business plan and cash flow allows for the independent contractors you need to get your business to the level where you can hire full time staff to grow your business and thrive in the marketplace.

Why? Because starting my own business is still the most exhilarating, exciting, and adrenaline producing thing I've ever done.  I'm betting it's the same for you.

And you can bet that I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I am in the 1/3 of small businesses that makes it work, and you can too!

Desire vs Discipline

When I first started my business, I believed that Desire was enough to get me from where I was to where I wanted to be.  I met and worked with, some of the greatest motivational speakers in the world. 

If you don't master Desire...you'll give up when it comes to Discipline.  Some people go from Desire to Discipline very quickly. They get therapy. They get an MBA.  They get started. But for the longest time, I thought I was lost.  I wasn't lost...I just wasn't ready.  

"I'm not lost, I'm exploring." -Jana Stanfield

It wasn't until I got to a place in my life where I realized my definition of Success was not a big salary and private office working for someone else.  I still want those things...but I want them from working for myself.  So I've entered Phase 2:  DISCIPLINE. (More on that later.)

Everyone's path is uniquely their own. Life is a Journey...It's not a Destination. I spent over 20 years in Phase I and I took some pretty fun turns. Curious?  Here's my Phase I roadmap:

1. EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE

The first sales book I ever read was, "Greatest Salesman in the World" by Og Mandino.  I started my first company, after my dad made the comment, "Sales are too tricky for girls!"

2.  PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER/SPOKESWOMAN

I attended my first business conference, Uncommon Women on Common Ground, hosted in NYC by Women Inc.  (They later invited me to become their first National Spokeswoman.)

3.  LINK MANAGEMENT INTERNATIONAL

I merged Extraordinary People with a PR firm in Edmonton, Alberta.  The terrorist attacks on 9/11 profoundly changed all of our lives. Forever.

4.  PASSIONATE FUNDRAISER

I spent several years raising my children, while honing my sales skills. I was room-mom, PTA President, and Art-Club/Science Club co-founder. (I even home-schooled. Briefly.)

5.  LEVERAGED NETWORKING

I moved to Memphis in 2005 and reconnected with Alan Gompers, author, "Maximum Security: The True Meaning of Freedom."  Together we got his memoir published, produced a meditation CD, pitched Lionsgate, and helped several other extraordinary people along the way.

6.  LIFE IS A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION - Ralph Waldo Emerson

As I "on ramped,*" I volunteered at church, waited on tables, worked in Commercial Real Estate, and managed a Wholesale Flooring Distribution Center. I am forever grateful for every person I met along the way (friends, customers, colleagues, and CEOs.)

*The phrase "on ramper" comes from "Women in High Gear," by Amy Howell & Anne Deeter Gallaher

Uncommon Women on Common Ground

I love to Network. I'm far more comfortable in a large room full of strangers than I am anywhere. I'm not sure why.

 Maybe it's because I got married when I was very young. My husband was in the Air Force and I was 20 when I moved from the West Coast (Oregon) to the East Coast (Massachusetts.) Other than my husband, I didn't know a soul. Every person I met was a stranger. I was lonely and I wanted to make friends. So I learned to introduce myself to almost anyone. I learned the only way to learn about being in the military was to ask. Over the course of 10 years and two overseas tours to Germany, I became excellent at developing quick relationships so that I could get directions, find a dentist, or hire a babysitter.

It wasn't until we moved back to the States in 1995 and started my own business, Extraordinary People, that I learned that there was a business term for all of this meeting & greeting. It was called Networking.
My first Networking event was a pre-conference function. The conference was put on my Women Inc., and was titled, "Uncommon Women on Common Ground." I didn't want to miss a thing. The Networking event took place the night before the program began. It lasted from 5-7pm. and involved wine and cheese. I'd never been to New York City and I'd never attended a conference. I came. I ate. I waited. I made small talk with a few people. I exchanged business cards and shook hands firmly (but not too firmly.) I had no idea what to expect. I secretly expected something magical to happen to me as a reward for attending this event. Other than the free food, there were no immediate results.

The next morning, I recognized two or three people from the Networking event the night before. I sat next to one in a breakout session and another at lunch. That evening I met a woman in the hotel lobby. 

When I arrived home I sent a brief note to everyone who had given me their business card. (I made a short note on the back of each so that I could remember them if I saw them again. Example: Carol Reed (brown hair, from Dallas, 2 kids, likes chocolate) When I returned home, I sent them each a short note saying to say hi and to invite them to stay in touch. (Whenever possible, I included something personal about them from my notes.)

For every 25 cards I sent, I got 3-4 responses. For every 3-4 responses, I'd make a deeper connection. 

I'm still friends with a woman I met at my second Women Inc conference in Long Beach, CA in 1996. She's a talented therapist from LA and her name is Trina O'Quinn. She was a wonderful resource then and a wonderful resource now.

 If you aren't sure how to Network, start by meeting people. Don't concentrate on collecting business cards. Concentrate on collecting relationships. Find something in common. Or discuss something memorable. Be a good listener. Be a good friend. Then follow up. Stay in touch. There is nothing magical about Networking. But there is something magical about the connections that you can make from Networking.

 Until next time...

Family & Close Relationships (2nd Base)

Second Base:  FAMILY & CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

The truth is that I made the mistake of thinking I could skip 1st Base and head right to 2nd.

I was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend. There just weren't enough hours in the day to manage any more than taking care of others.

When my daughter started having a hard time at life (age 13), I was told that the best thing I could do for her, was to take care of myself.

Hence, the way to make it to 2nd base and have meaningful relationships with others, is to make sure you tag 1st.

RESOURCES:
Here are some valuable resources that help me when I've done all I can on 1st base, but am still stranded on 2nd:

1. "Boundaries When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" by author's Henry/ Townsend Cloud

2. Daybreak Treatment Center for troubled adolescents (Germantown, TN)
http://daybreaktreatment.com/

3.  "Love: The Course they Forgot to Teach You in School," by Greg Godek

4.  Trina O'Quinn & Brisa Samudio (two fabulous counselors in CA)

My own world series.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation,"  -Henry Thoreau

I make a lot of reference to baseball. I grew up in a baseball home.  My father coached my brother's Little League teams up until he reached high school.

In my early thirties, I found myself in San Diego near the Navy Seals training base.  I discovered an empty baseball diamond and realized that I had never ran the bases.  Why? It surely wasn't because I was girl.  It was simply that I hadn't.  I aways sat on the sidelines, keeping score and cheering like a maniac.

I decided on that foggy morning, that I wanted to try.  I didn't need to ask for permission. I didn't need to be the member of an official team.  It was just me and three bags + homeplate.

It was a liberating experience for me. I felt brave.  I felt strong.  And I felt thankful that nobody was around to see me.  I thought a lot about that day and shortly after came up with the the following sports analogy.

1st Base:  My mind, my body, my spirit.

2nd Base:  My family and important relationships.

3rd Base:  My own financial independence.

Home Plate: When I give back to others.

When I get stumped with too many things to do and I'm not sure how to prioritize...I use this analogy to put things in order:  Take care of me, take care of my family, take care of my finances, then give back to others.

1. It's an ongoing journey to discover what I need to take care of me.  Like many women, I've spent way too much time focusing on my body.  The number on the scale had the ability to make or break my day.  But, I had it wrong...I needed to focus on my mind. If all I did was look in the mirror and tell myself I was fat, I only got fatter.

2.  When I focus on my Mind and stopped judging myself, then I started to feed myself better food, get more sleep, and take better care of myself.

3.  In the South, the most often asked question is, "What church do you attend?"  I've been to many churches.  I was raised Evangelical Christian; I attended a Quaker church in high school; been the member of a Presbyterian Church; and home-churched.  For me, I finally found my spiritual home at a Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Memphis, TN.  

Some of the tools that saved me from a life of despair:

1.  Meditation

2.  Brown rice & whole foods

3.  Zumba

4.  Unitarian Universalism

Resources:

Maximum Freedom:  A Guide to Meditation (cd

The 10 Commandments to Freedom and

"Maximum Security: The True Meaning of Freedom" book by Alan Gompers

www.alangompers.com

"Eat, Pray, Love" book by Liz Gilbert

www.elizabethgilbert.com

Unitarian Universalist Association

www.uua.org

Zumba

www.zumba.com