Uncommon Women on Common Ground

I love to Network. I'm far more comfortable in a large room full of strangers than I am anywhere. I'm not sure why.

 Maybe it's because I got married when I was very young. My husband was in the Air Force and I was 20 when I moved from the West Coast (Oregon) to the East Coast (Massachusetts.) Other than my husband, I didn't know a soul. Every person I met was a stranger. I was lonely and I wanted to make friends. So I learned to introduce myself to almost anyone. I learned the only way to learn about being in the military was to ask. Over the course of 10 years and two overseas tours to Germany, I became excellent at developing quick relationships so that I could get directions, find a dentist, or hire a babysitter.

It wasn't until we moved back to the States in 1995 and started my own business, Extraordinary People, that I learned that there was a business term for all of this meeting & greeting. It was called Networking.
My first Networking event was a pre-conference function. The conference was put on my Women Inc., and was titled, "Uncommon Women on Common Ground." I didn't want to miss a thing. The Networking event took place the night before the program began. It lasted from 5-7pm. and involved wine and cheese. I'd never been to New York City and I'd never attended a conference. I came. I ate. I waited. I made small talk with a few people. I exchanged business cards and shook hands firmly (but not too firmly.) I had no idea what to expect. I secretly expected something magical to happen to me as a reward for attending this event. Other than the free food, there were no immediate results.

The next morning, I recognized two or three people from the Networking event the night before. I sat next to one in a breakout session and another at lunch. That evening I met a woman in the hotel lobby. 

When I arrived home I sent a brief note to everyone who had given me their business card. (I made a short note on the back of each so that I could remember them if I saw them again. Example: Carol Reed (brown hair, from Dallas, 2 kids, likes chocolate) When I returned home, I sent them each a short note saying to say hi and to invite them to stay in touch. (Whenever possible, I included something personal about them from my notes.)

For every 25 cards I sent, I got 3-4 responses. For every 3-4 responses, I'd make a deeper connection. 

I'm still friends with a woman I met at my second Women Inc conference in Long Beach, CA in 1996. She's a talented therapist from LA and her name is Trina O'Quinn. She was a wonderful resource then and a wonderful resource now.

 If you aren't sure how to Network, start by meeting people. Don't concentrate on collecting business cards. Concentrate on collecting relationships. Find something in common. Or discuss something memorable. Be a good listener. Be a good friend. Then follow up. Stay in touch. There is nothing magical about Networking. But there is something magical about the connections that you can make from Networking.

 Until next time...

Family & Close Relationships (2nd Base)

Second Base:  FAMILY & CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

The truth is that I made the mistake of thinking I could skip 1st Base and head right to 2nd.

I was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend. There just weren't enough hours in the day to manage any more than taking care of others.

When my daughter started having a hard time at life (age 13), I was told that the best thing I could do for her, was to take care of myself.

Hence, the way to make it to 2nd base and have meaningful relationships with others, is to make sure you tag 1st.

RESOURCES:
Here are some valuable resources that help me when I've done all I can on 1st base, but am still stranded on 2nd:

1. "Boundaries When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" by author's Henry/ Townsend Cloud

2. Daybreak Treatment Center for troubled adolescents (Germantown, TN)
http://daybreaktreatment.com/

3.  "Love: The Course they Forgot to Teach You in School," by Greg Godek

4.  Trina O'Quinn & Brisa Samudio (two fabulous counselors in CA)

My own world series.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation,"  -Henry Thoreau

I make a lot of reference to baseball. I grew up in a baseball home.  My father coached my brother's Little League teams up until he reached high school.

In my early thirties, I found myself in San Diego near the Navy Seals training base.  I discovered an empty baseball diamond and realized that I had never ran the bases.  Why? It surely wasn't because I was girl.  It was simply that I hadn't.  I aways sat on the sidelines, keeping score and cheering like a maniac.

I decided on that foggy morning, that I wanted to try.  I didn't need to ask for permission. I didn't need to be the member of an official team.  It was just me and three bags + homeplate.

It was a liberating experience for me. I felt brave.  I felt strong.  And I felt thankful that nobody was around to see me.  I thought a lot about that day and shortly after came up with the the following sports analogy.

1st Base:  My mind, my body, my spirit.

2nd Base:  My family and important relationships.

3rd Base:  My own financial independence.

Home Plate: When I give back to others.

When I get stumped with too many things to do and I'm not sure how to prioritize...I use this analogy to put things in order:  Take care of me, take care of my family, take care of my finances, then give back to others.

1. It's an ongoing journey to discover what I need to take care of me.  Like many women, I've spent way too much time focusing on my body.  The number on the scale had the ability to make or break my day.  But, I had it wrong...I needed to focus on my mind. If all I did was look in the mirror and tell myself I was fat, I only got fatter.

2.  When I focus on my Mind and stopped judging myself, then I started to feed myself better food, get more sleep, and take better care of myself.

3.  In the South, the most often asked question is, "What church do you attend?"  I've been to many churches.  I was raised Evangelical Christian; I attended a Quaker church in high school; been the member of a Presbyterian Church; and home-churched.  For me, I finally found my spiritual home at a Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Memphis, TN.  

Some of the tools that saved me from a life of despair:

1.  Meditation

2.  Brown rice & whole foods

3.  Zumba

4.  Unitarian Universalism

Resources:

Maximum Freedom:  A Guide to Meditation (cd

The 10 Commandments to Freedom and

"Maximum Security: The True Meaning of Freedom" book by Alan Gompers

www.alangompers.com

"Eat, Pray, Love" book by Liz Gilbert

www.elizabethgilbert.com

Unitarian Universalist Association

www.uua.org

Zumba

www.zumba.com

Simply the Bill "Best"

I caught a quote on Twitter retweeted by @MDRtweet from the Million Dollar Round Table Annual Meeting in Toronto Canada, June 8-11th.  "Talk to strangers. You don't know who is going to be the person to give you the best idea." 

Twenty years ago (in 1994) while stationed at Spangdahlem Air Base in Germany, our young family drove to Normandy, France. A WWII historian, my husband, Markus, was thrilled at the opportunity to join in the 50-year celebration of D-Day. The kids, too little for pre-school, had fun playing in the sand.

Near our French hotel, Markus ran into a lovely and sprite British veteran who was in town to receive a medal from the French Government. He didn't land on the first day, but rather the 2nd day. We offered to give him a ride to the awards ceremony. He shared his story with us and History was never the same. He gifted us with his first hand stories and this photo. 

He told us that when he got off the boat, he did two things: 1.) he threw up and 2.) he turned around and snapped this picture: Hearing his experience first hand was overwhelming. Below are the notes he included with the photo.

"I’m enclosing herewith a photo copy of the picture I took as we landed from the Landing Craft. As O.C I was first off (we had to back on) and headed the tank column, so I took the opportunity to get my picture. The regiment was approximately 700 strong and I believe this was the only photo taken. The two rods sticking up are the radio aerials." - Bill Best

I've lived an extraordinary life by meeting strangers in the most unlikely of places.

Advice for the day: Life is a journey, not a destination. Be sure to spend each day listening for HisStory and HerStory.

Establishing Instant Expertise

I truly believe that we can never outrun or outlive the question, “What do you do?” We ask our children, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”  And even when we retire, people still ask, “What did you do?”

Establishing Expert or a connection with Celebrity Status will accelerate the rate at which people will choose you over the competition, or pay more for your services. 

I'm going to use the term “celebrity” to mean anyone whose name can positively influence how your customers or prospects feel.  They don’t have to be actors or actresses…they are the “someones” or the “somethings” your customers or prospects can identify with as being successful or prosperous.

Example:  If I meet someone in technology, I will mention that I once worked with Richard Brodie, the original author Microsoft Word.  They don’t have to know the name Richard Brodie, but they should recognize Microsoft or Word.  If not, I add, “He was Bill Gate’s first technical assistant.”  Now I’ve added Bill Gates.

Note:  I don’t want people to get off track and start talking about the celebrity… but I do want to grab their attention and convince them that I have experience working with, or on behalf of, someone that is successful.

As Shawn Sandy of The Selling Agency reminds us, we have less than 9 seconds to capture someone’s attention (not to give our entire talk track.)   

Your sales message needs to be able catch someone's attention, convince them that you work with people like them, and that no one else can do it like you.  

People like to buy, but nobody likes to be sold.  Most often, people buy from people they like, who are like them, or who are like who they want to become.

Best places to Network

Sometimes I really hate organized networking events. For some reason, they make me nervous. I think its because at these types of events everyone is trying so hard to network.  You're either networking or being "networked." For me, the most successful networking opportunities are spontaneous conversations that sprout out of nowhere.  In line the grocery store. Sitting next to someone one an airplane.  An e-mail from someone who saw your post in an on-line forum.

Too often people think that networking is collecting a lot of business cards at the Friday night Chamber of Commerce Wine & Cheese Party. Yes, business cards are handy (they have all sorts of good info like Name, phone #, and e-mail address.) But more important than collecting business cards/contact information is creating new relationships. Real relationships...not relationships based on a hidden agenda.  (Can't you tell when someone strikes up a conversation to sell you something, not because they really care about getting to know you?)

If you want to build your business through networking...keep collecting business cards, but remember that it's more important to build relationships. Practice really getting to know people. Genuinely care about them and what they do. If they are passionate about their work, chances are they are good at it too.

People like doing business with people they like. And people like people who are like them. Leveraged networking is about tapping into the people that people know, and nobody is going to want to share their valuable contacts with you unless they "know you." Trust is the key to meaningful relationships and only time will truly expose people for their true intentions. 

One of the best tag lines I ever saw was for a woman's conference I attended back in the mid 90's.  It was titled, "Uncommon Women on Common Ground."  It was an event put on by Women, Inc. (a former non-profit organization for entrepreneurial women.)  I was sitting in the hotel lobby and started chatting with the lady next to me.  I had no idea who she was.  It didn't matter.  I was excited and my ride was late.  I just started talking. I told her I loved the conference and I was so glad that someone had put together such a great event for new entrepreneurs.  To make a long story short, she was one of the co-founders of Women Inc. She asked me to stay in touch. I sent her a thank you letter when I got home.  She invited me to speak at their next event and I later became their National Spokeswoman.

This taught me that networking takes place any time. Any where. Start today. Be yourself.  Make some friends.  Have some fun. And watch your business grow!